To the tune of "Be Our Guest"
(from Beauty and the Beast)

[The A-hats are the Caltech
Quantum Optics softball team]

The a-hats, the a-hats.
We do damage with our bats.
We would lead the league in hitting
If someone would keep the stats.

All for one, one for all
We annihilate the ball.
But in C-league it's not sporting
To show off our teleporting.

In the field we can squeeze
So the ball does what we please.
It's amplitude and phase eludes their bats.

We always stop at first
But still work up a thirst.
The a-hats, the a-hats, the a-hats!
 

John Preskill